Hidden Expectations&Raising the bar

God revealed something to me, a few days ago. It came off so unexpectedly, yet it was made out so plainly and clearly. For onces I didn't have to learn my lesson the hard way. Yes! Thank you God. Now..can I have more of these "lessons the easy way"...??

In relationships you can't let yourself create these "expectations" for the person to meet without verbalizing them to the person.

Before I go on let me explain what I mean by this. I don't mean, "I EXPECT THIS, THIS, AND THIS FROM YOU! NO, I DEMAND IT!" I mean if you're going to meet your husband for lunch, then remind him of the date..men can be forgetful sometimes. If you moved states away from your friends and family, and you wish they'd "Call you more" or "talk to you more" or "write letters to you more" so "you're not the only one pursuing the relationship" then talk to them about it. Don't just create these "unknown expectations" and expect them to live up to it.

On with my post...*unpause*

What happens is you've got these high expectations for someone and they don't even know about them. When they don't meet these "unknown standards", you're going to find yourself bitter towards them. You might even start resenting the person. The danger in this: there's emotions involved in all this. And it's hard to see your bitterness and resentment growing, past the entanglement of emotions. It's easier for others who AREN'T involved in the situation, to see that bitterness.

As a Christian you have 2 options: 1) Let love cover over a multitude of sins, and quit creating "unknown expectations". Or 2) Go to the person and tell them what's on your mind. Whatever it is that you think they're "not doing" that should be done..I mean if they're sinning against you then go to them. Or if they aren't if it's something as mild as "you don't talk to me anymore" then..ask them about it.

Or forget about your expectations and question yourself. Am I being selfish? If so how? Do I have sin in this relationship? Am I sinning against my friend? Have I hurt them? Is there something I need to ask forgiveness for? Etc.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

So if you're the one who's having to pursue the relationship then do so. Remember the verse above. Remember Christ! Over and over again have we failed Him. And not just in our time period but all the way back to the beginning of history with Adam and Eve. Yet God sent his one and only Son to die for us! He continued pursuing us, though we rejected Him.

As Mum and I were talking about some issues I was having with a friend, I had (w/out knowing really) created these expectations for this friend. The friend wasn't meeting them, and I had some bitterness and resentment growing in my heart towards the friend. Ma is the one who caught it. And so we talked about it.

As we were talking I was like, OH. MY. GOSH. I was totally moved by the Holy Spirit. I've been struggling a LOT during the last few months Mum was pregnant w/Josiah and afterwards too, with honoring her. I was struggling with, "Why should I honor her when she's getting so worked up over a little thing," "Why should I honor her when she's yelling at me..or having an attitude and she knows it," And "Yeah but I have to honor her because God's called me to do so and because in doing so I'd be honoring God Himself." Etc.

But I had realized I had raised the bar with these expectations I had for her, and she had no idea about them. I thought "DUR DE DUR" no wonder I'm having such a hard time fighting my pride, my anger, etc. It's not her, it's me.

You see friends without knowing it you could be raising the bar, forgetting we're all under the curse of Adam. We all fall short of the glory of God. We can't even reach God's bar of standards, which is the law. So who are we to pull out our measuring tape and go.."mmm..hmm...nope you're still a foot away from where you're suppose to be. Tsk tsk.."!?

That aside, Ma is still my mother. She gave birth to me for pete's sake! I was just as stubborn then as I am now..they had to use the vaccuum to get me out! She was appointed to be my Mummy by God All Mighty, predestined by HIM before time. I'm called to honor her, in doing so it will go well with me.

God is good. He knows your sins. He sees you struggling, He has offered to carry your load if you'd only turn away from your sin and quit with your stubbornness. Take your heavy load and give it to Him.

Pslam 55:22 "Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."

And

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Before I close..I just want to say I'm going to steal Mr. Todd Friel's line..and I'll hope he'll forgive me for doing so.

Go serve your King,

~Lissie Darcy