Armed With Manipulation

I once read this book called "Green Dolphin Street", by Elizabeth Goudge. I would've never read it on my own, but I had to for book club.

I must say I hate her writing. She's overly descriptive, and in a way where it makes her look like she's trying too hard. It also looks like she's a wanna-be poet. She tries too hard to sound like a pro, like a sophisticated poet and she only comes off as overly descriptive, and a wanna be Lucy Maud Montgomery.

The book is about these two sisters: Marguerite, and Marianne. A man writes home to ask one of the two sisters (too keep this simple and brief) to be his wife. But, he confuses their names and so he gets the wrong bride. It's a fictional story based on fact, I guess. I also "guess" Elizabeth Goudge is a well respected, well known adult novelist that wrote many children's stories as well. In my opinion she sucks.

Anyhow. They two sisters are very, VERY different. Marguerite loves life and wants to enjoy it to the fullest, even the simplest of things. She's always happy, and very beautiful. She's modest about it though, but all the guys fall for her. Then you have Marianne who's very tiny, and she's plain looking, nothing grand about her. She follows the latest of fashions and she's incredibly smart (which in the time this takes place in, women weren't really known for their intelligence. They were more thought of as gentle little house keepers and wives, and loving mothers. But leave the intelligence to the men-that's a grough rough man thing! That's basically the thinking of back then in the time period this story takes place in.) and chic, but not pretty.

They both fall for the same guy. You can guess what happens. William falls for Marguerite and she in return, but he ends up with Marianne because of a simple mistake he's made ever since they were all young: He got their names mixed up!

In fighting for him, Marianne uses emotional manipulation to control William's feelings for her. They go on a special adventure together without Marguerite, she loves William's father as much as he does, she helps him get into the navy and puts everything she's got into helping him with the "brain work" in that area, she was there for William when his father dies..

And when he leaves to go in the Navy, she hopes and prays and crosses her fingers that he'll remember everything she did for him. She puts all her hope and trust that because she did all of this for William he'll fall in love with her. He'll remember it and THAT's going to make him love her.

Little does she know he really loves her sister. And little does she know that he got their names mixed up and it wasn't really Marianne he loved. Little does she know he sacrifices over, and over, and over again for HER because he doesn't want to hurt her. In fact, she's lead to believe that SHE does everything for him and SHE is the one sacrificing everything for him. She nags him, she continues to feel the need to manipulate him every which way to gain and earn his love, she kills and crushes his "foolish" dreams and then says she's having to sacrifice all she's got to "make him mine, to make him right, to make him love me.."

Page after page the reader is left to watch William suffer and say good bye to dreams that will never come true. You have to watch him get up to another day of seeing her face by him in bed instead of Marguerite's. You watch this good kid, as the life is being drained out of him.

It does end better then it sounds, just an FYI.

The question is, WHY does Marianne seek to manipulate her husband and her husband's friends and control EVERY aspect of their lives..? Because Marianne is a very insecure person. Because she is she has armed herself with manipulation, pride, and control. If she doesn't have those things in life she throws a fit, literally. There are multiple incidents in the book where she's literally throwing a fit or having a mental breakdown because she doesn't get her way, because of her pride.

To protect herself from getting hurt, from not being accepted in the eyes of her husband and everyone else (even in the eyes of her own daughter) she builds these high walls of pride and manipulation and control.

She is a very jealous person. She even gets jealous of her own daughter because her husband loves her daughter and she suspects, more than he loves her. (His daughter reminded him of Marguerite.) Bitterness, and hatred well up within her. She is ruled by these two things; so much so she's blinded herself with them and cannot see the truth clearly.

People who often look confident, poised, and maybe they're even super smart; often the case is they really aren't secure people. People who use manipulation are insecure. It is a sign of insecurity. It says: I'm not in control so I'm going to GET control by using this person in this such of way. By doing so they don't have to get their hands dirty. They think that by using manipulation to get their way, or to guard and protect themselves is a way where they can get rid of their vulnerability. Manipulation says: I feel vulnerable and I don't want to be, so I'm going to get this person to do the work for me; and therefore I'm not the one who's vulnerable. I don't get hurt. I don't get my hands dirty. They do, not me. It's on them.

People who are afraid of getting hurt for whatever reason use all kinds of forms of manipulation (and you can google them to see if you recognize any..just be careful ;D) but one of the most common forms: Gossip.

You'd be surprised at the extremities people will go to to slander about someone. Whether it's false or truth that was taken and twisted, or truth in general people gossip about other people and try to emotionally persuade *manipulate* other people to have certain thoughts or feelings about others.

Why? It depends on a lot of things but the main thing is: they somehow feel threatened by some other person. They feel insecure and powerless so they decide to take matters into their own hands and slander that person's reputation. If you can picture a file, and in that file is a clean sheet of paper with nothing on it, and someone comes along and wipes blood all over it; that's what I picture whenever the word "slander" comes to mind.

Words are powerful. Out of God's mouth came words, words of life that created THIS life. By words you have the power to take away life, to give life (and by this particular statement I'm speaking figuratively.. not literally..), to edify one another, to bring down and tear down other people, to hurt and cause chaos and destruction, to heal and bring peace.

In Romans (1:29b-32 if you care to read it..) it talks about the sinful nature of mankind and how God poured out His wrath upon those who rejected His laws. Their hearts were hardened and turned away from God, and their eyes were looking upon evil; no longer did they seem to care or even know what righteousness was. So God gave them up to their sinful natures. On the list of sins is gossip!! It's a serious thing, obviously GOD takes it seriously so we should too!

The Bible has a lot to say about gossip you can read these verses for yourself: Proverbs 20:19, Proverbs 11:12-13, Proverbs 16:28, Proverbs 18:7-8, Proverbs 21:23, 2 Corinthians 12:20, 1 Timothy 5:13, and more..

My favorite out of all these: Proverbs 16:28 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." And Proverbs 18:7-8 is a really good one too. It is true that gossip is eaten up and taken in like delicious morsels that go down into the inner most parts of a man.

What do you think would happen if you heard gossip about your friend? Would you be loyal enough to stand firm by them no matter WHAT it is you heard? Or would you be too dumb witted and be easily persuaded by the whisperer? I'm telling you for future reference now, the gossiper wants you to fall into their snares of manipulation. They want you to feel the horror after you hear what they have to say-because they are armed with manipulation and you; unarmed are easily swayed by their snares they set about your feet.

Stay loyal to your friend. You don't have proof of what the others said. Arm yourself with the word of God and remember that the LORD who made the gossiper and the person who's being gossiped about takes this sin and all other sins seriously; you as a CHRISTIAN should too! It isn't a funny matter, it isn't a light matter it is sin you are dealing with. It is SOMEONE'S REPUTATION THAT IS BEING RUINED AND SHREDDED TO PIECES. SO WHEN THEY SHOW UP AMONGST THOSE FACES WHO HEARD THE GOSSIP-WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS? If they have loyal friends NOTHING. The whisperer if anything, should lose friends. If the friends have fallen into the snares of the gossiper then well then that poor person can do nothing to redeem his or herself. They cannot pull out a file and say well here, look this is my reputation. Because something literal doesn't exist. But those words do. Those horrible words.

If I haven't convinced you, if I haven't made my point just yet then listen to this Christian, you will be accountable for the gossip on judgment day! And you will also be accountable for those who HEARD the gossip, and how you dealt with them.

Christian and non-Christian alike, you WILL stand before Almighty God.

I leave this to your conscience may it prick you mercilessly until you realize the seriousness of the matter,

~Lissie Darcy