When The Spiritual Realm Breaks Through The Temporal Realm And Becomes Reality Part 1

I have a love/hate for Mondays. The thought of a long week ahead is either overwhelmingly stressful, or overwhelmingly exciting, or overwhelmingly mundane and boring. Lamentations 3:22-23 is what gets me through Mondays. That's only if I'm even looking to God when I'm overwhelmed by Mondays. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I have to chide myself and purposefully read those verses.

Mondays are kind of scary. It's either the start of a really crappy week, a really exciting and busy week, or a really mundane and boring week. I have this weird fear of Mondays. Call it pathological or irrational (or a combo of both..yikes) it's in actuality not of the Mondays themselves. I think it's more of the fear of the unknown. What is going to happen THIS week? Am I going to SURVIVE this week? Is surviving even a question? Or is it more like how am I going to live my life this week? (For God, or for myself..) What sort of struggles will I face? What sort of people will I encounter? Is there (if you really want to get to the bare bones and be honest..) ANY amount of control on MY part? That's what the fear boils down to. It boils down to control. Mondays for me, are a small break in the illusion that I am in control.

It was a typical summer Monday for me: Get up, weigh myself (I'm on weight watchers with my Mom and Sis. I'm morale support and I have a small goal.) Which is another reason, by the way, why I hate Mondays.., record in my observations journal (aka weight watchers journal..maybe I'll post about it some other time..), eat breakfast, and gather around with Jules, Jake, and Ma to do Bible reading and read from, "Don't Waste Your Life" by Piper.

To keep this some what maintained (because I'm so over wordy just because I'm a detail oriented gal myself..) I'm just going to fast forward and get to the point. Before I go on however, I want you to know that as much as I am honest about home life on my blog, I'm also very indirect about the darker side of life. I'm sure you've noticed. Sometimes I'm indirect just because by the time I blog about it I've already talked with a bunch of other people (God, my family, people in the church..) about my situation and struggles. To blog about it directly and give all the details can be frustrating in a sense. Why blog about it then? It helps to just spell out the crap in life sometimes; even in an indirect way. It helps to think about it again, and again and analyze over and over again. And search my heart over more than once. If that makes sense. If you've read other posts of mine you've heard me say that I blog so my head doesn't explode. Point being, this time I'm going to be more direct. You can stop reading if you want. Just sayin..

Fast forwarding-There was an issue of pride on my part. I have trouble sleeping. Of late I stay up really late. 12..is usually the latest, sometimes one..sometimes later. I'll be in bed and I'll fall asleep to music or tire myself out by reading. I always ask why can't I just go to sleep and pass out? I used to be able to do that when I was little. (But I did go through a phase when I was little where I would anxiously lay in bed and then start bawling. I'd hyper ventilate too-mildly so. Basically I would have anxiety attacks when I was little, contemplating on whether or not I was a Christian. Was my name in the book of life? Can God ever forgive me because I'm such a sinner-I haven't been "doing enough works for Him. (I've always wrestled with grace..but I think everyone does..) I'd run downstairs to my parents and perhaps ask for benadryl or something. I was always told to fight it through. "There isn't any medicine for anxiety...etc." You know. Drugs don't deal with the conflict-it just knocks you out so you can sleep without the conscience thoughts seeping in and bothering you.. They would pray for me, and have me pray for me. They would remind me that I don't have to DO anything for salvation. They would remind me of Lamentations 2:22-23 They would remind me that people who are as concerned as I was about my heart, who claimed to be Christians-ARE CHRISTIANS. They aren't "not" saved. If that makes sense. I went through that phase around when I was ten and eleven. But it's not like I'd be up until 1 in the morning..) I couldn't quite figure out why it was that I have been having sleeping issues. Why do I feel like I have to stay up THIS late?

Part of it is because since I turned sixteen I no longer have an official bedtime. (Although 12 every night isn't acceptable because it starts to catch up with me. And then I end up sleeping in until ten..) I had a lot of time today (a whole half of a day) to really examine myself and search my heart. The reason why I stay up so late and can't "unwind" is because if I stay up late enough then I'll be tired enough to just fall asleep without having to really THINK about my life. If I'm tired enough I can push aside all thoughts, reflections of my day, reflections of my HEART and where I am at in my life. You see it's just the same as drugging. It's a sin issue for me. It's a way to take control of my life. It's a form of unfaithfulness to God. I don't trust Him with my life so I'm going to take charge of it.

My life right now isn't the greatest. But it's not facing the reality of my life that I'm afraid of. It's facing the reality of my heart that I'm afraid of. You see, when the spiritual realm (see Ephesians 6:11-etc.) breaks through the temporal realm the illusion that YOU are in control starts cracking. When conflict can no longer be overlooked, the power and influence of evil is so vivid you can't ignore the reality of things. There is a REAL spiritual battle that you must face on a day to day basis. When we ignore that, and make our own little worlds where "we're" in control, at SOME POINT the reality of the spiritual realm is going to break through your illusion. It will break through your world. It is not fun when it smashes your world. You're a wreck. Put on the full armor of God, Christian. With God there is NO shortcuts when dealing with conflict, when fighting the good fight. God's going to break your world, tear it apart and remind you that He is in control.

When this happens you have 1 of two choices: 1) Run to God, repent and put on the whole armor of God and FIGHT. OR 2) Run away from God and try to find ways in which you can control your life. Basically: Continue sinning. Running away from God and doing things like drugs, getting drunk, sex, etc. (which is the extreme side of things) or even the not so extreme side of things: closing your eyes and pretending there's no sin-it doesn't deal with the conflict. It doesn't take it away. It numbs the pain that your sin is causing you and others around you. It creates an illusion that there is no sin. But the conflict is still there.

One way or another God will break you..keep on sinning and He'll keep on breaking you. Or He'll give you up to your passions and lusts of your heart-but He'll continue to let you know that He's still in control of your life. Although you're doing what you please-you're not going to be AS evil and AS sinful as you can possibly be. He's still God.

This Monday I wrestled with God. I encountered a holy God, as I saw all the wickedness in my heart. You know what? Somehow-(only by God's grace) I'm at peace. I know that no matter what happens, even if the WORST happened-He has a plan, He has a purpose. In the end THIS isn't it.

I'll leave you with this question: When was the last time you encountered God? When was the last time you wrestled with God? Have you armored yourself with the full armor of God? Have you eaten and drank from His table? Are you satisfied? Because now YOU have to go OUT THERE where there's people so accustomed to darkness, so down in the depths of despair, (as Anne would say) so incredibly hopeless, and they think there is no way out. They think that this is all there is. They keep looking and looking for peace and restoration, and redemption, and grace, and mercy and satisfaction, and hope, and love. They don't find it. They KNOW they can't save themselves. These people need to hear about the cross. They need to hear about the Gospel. We are told to go out there humbly (because we AREN'T better then them, we are ALL made in God's image, and we are ALL sinners..) and tell them about Christ in a way that is free of the Christian language/jargon. By that I mean: All the doctrinal phrases, all the stuff Christians know, they know because they're Christians. They've read the Bible, they've studied theology, they've read a wide variety of Christian literature, they've heard a wide variety of Christian preachers. We live in a world right now (at least in Western culture..) where people think they KNOW Jesus. But they don't. We need to tell them in a way that they can understand, and in a way that isn't boring. To me the Gospel message isn't boring, and to Christians it isn't boring. (or it shouldn't be). What I mean is we need to tell them in a way that's understandable to them, and in a way that they haven't heard before. (SO-all their assumptions about Jesus that are false-we need to tell them about the REAL facts about Jesus. Who He REALLY is, what He REALLY does, How He's REALLY involved in our lives PRESENTLY.)

Are you equipped with the Word of God so you can do that?

~Lissie

Ps. Can you tell (for any of you Nampa Bible readers..if any..) I've been listening to the sermons? Geeze, Lissie..

The Garden Story-Replayed

It's the same story. We want peace, harmony, love, happiness, etc. But, we don't want to get these things the way Christ wants us to. We want that peace that passes all understanding, without having to get it from God. We want things to be the way they should without divine intervention. We want-WHAT we want WHEN we want it, without the help of the cosmos. Without God's innervating.

Just read the garden story. It's the same old story being replayed. I want peace. I want to be in my own mind WITHOUT having to be split into two selves: Flesh, and the Holy Spirit. I just want shalom.

The desire itself isn't bad, God Himself has put these desires in us all. We all want peace. Why? Because if you can imagine things the way they would've been (i.e. without the stain of sin in us) don't you think there'd be peace!? OF course! We can't exactly imagine that because we've never experienced THAT kind of peace. Mind you I'm not saying we've never experienced peace. I only mean we haven't experienced that peace-WITHOUT a sinful nature. Adam and Eve did for a time, before they sinned. We won't experience that until heaven. TANNNGEEEENT MUCH!!?

Anyways. We all desire peace. But to get the peace that passes all understanding comes from God. We cannot gain peace through ourselves, by ourselves, without Christ. To get peace God shows us through His compelling example by sending His one and only Son, who offered His own body for us sinners. You have to die. I don't want you to go get a knife and you know, "Ok God! I'm going to die like you did! La dee da!" If you read Romans 12 it tells you exactly how you are to die. Die to self. All your selfish desires, all your sinful desires, etc. are to be left behind. GO. Pick up your cross and follow HIM. If you read all the epistles of Paul you'll see how this man has suffered, and unbearably so. Yet, you always see Paul talking about how he is at peace. And the reaction that comes to mind is..WOOA WOA PAUL. LET'S BACK UP HERE..you're at peace? DUDE...what's going on..*psst maybe Paul's getting a little cuckoo from age..??* Seriously. How can you suffer and be at peace..? You have to place yourself in Paul's shoes. He's not just suffering physically, I'm sure he suffered mentally, and emotionally as well. Yet he was at peace.

Paul was at peace because He knew this life was NOTHING compared to where he would be going. He can deprive himself of the luxuries of life, and go and spread the gospel. WHY? Because NOW isn't the time to be worrying about "me" about what I "want" about what I'm "doing" what I'm "taking pleasure in"...no. Now is the time to pick up our Christ and march to Christ. We are to with ever fiber in our being, mirror Christ's image. We're like little stalkers..except YES we follow Christ around--but we do so with a little mirror in our hand. We wave those mirrors and shout out to everyone "HEY--LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT THIS GUY! SEE HIM!? LOOK AT WHAT HE'S DONE!" That may be a bad analogy.."stalkers"? Sorry. We're to be transparent-to the point where someone looks at us and they see the reflection of CHRIST...not us....not the world..not our flesh...not the devil..not the filthy sinner we are...NO. THEY LOOK AT US AND SEE HIM.

Jesus says to come to Him, all who are weary and He will give us rest. We have a hope. We have a hope of an eternal life with Him. We have a hope of living eternally, of being made new, of things being the way they were originally made to be. When Christ comes back, He'll give us new bodies..now none of us know WHAT they'll look like our how they'll be. BUT, you can be sure of this: He will make you new, and what you were to be had you not been under the curse of sin.

Peace comes from God Almighty. He and only He, can quiet our hearts. We need to not harden our hearts towards Him. We need to open our chest, go to Him and say Father rip out all bitterness, rip out all unrighteous anger, rip out all impatience, rip out ALL THE WEEDS THAT ARE GROWING IN HERE. HEAL MY HEART. RENEW IT FOR YOU, CHRIST. TAKE AWAY ALL THAT WILL PREVENT ME FROM SERVING YOU. FILL THE WHOLES THE WEEDS MADE IN MY HEART WITH THINGS THAT WILL HELP ME TO GLORIFY YOU. TO BE MORE AND MORE LIKE YOU. Fill these wholes with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, humility, a burning desire to serve you, holiness, etc.

Go to God with your sin. Don't tarry. Ask Him for peace. Pick up your cross and follow Him. Some of you may ask well how is "dying" going to give me peace? How can suffering for Christ bring me peace?

Let me answer a question with a question, if you will. Is going against God going to give you peace? Is inclining an ear to bitterness, jealousy, anger, hatred, frustration, satan, the world, your flesh, is that going to give you peace?

You can wrestle with God all you want, but in the end He wins. I wrestled with God. I was angry and I realized that everything isn't "ok". I've just been ignoring my emotions that are telling me "heeeeyy we're bitter against this person" or "we dislike this person" or..WHATEVER...these emotions are flashing neon signs that are basically telling me "hey you need to go to God..because you've got some serious issues". Instead I've ignored them and moved on. Thinking "WOW things are great!" and when "injustice" is done (or a better way of putting it is when "things don't go MY way") my whole "great" world came crashing down. Hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, murderous anger crept up and seized me. I was frustrated with God. Why aren't things going MY way. Why haven't you stopped this? Why hasn't THIS and THIS happened? Why am I so angry!? As R. C. Sproul in "Holiness of God" put it, "I wrestled with God and lost". I did. But, I'm at peace right now. He has quieted my heart, and opened my eyes to the cross. I didn't have to fix myself before I came to Him. In fact, I was anything but fixed. He reminded me that I need Him. I can't control my life. And I certainly need to stop ignoring the flashing signals He's giving me on a daily basis. I am not with every fiber in my being, with every red blood cell, down to the last leukocyte, reflecting Him. I begged for forgiveness and the realization of how nasty I am, how much I need Him made me sick (of me..how I truly am..of how I want very much to reflect Him.)..I have not been (lately) living for Him, and Him alone. It's been more of "some of me" "some of Him"..you can't do that. If you are Christ's give Him your ALL. It all boils down to sin. It's the garden story replayed. I wrestled with God, and He reminded me who is holy and who is called to be holy. See the difference? There's the "is" and the "be" God IS. In and of myself..(this goes for every thing that has life) I'm no "is". God's made me to "be" but only God just IS. He IS and always has been! God's existed before the past even was there.. Well I mean before anything. Before time.. I better leave before I start talking nonsensically and well confusing you and myself.

Pray for me. I had a self check. And God's directed me back on the path of righteousness. Thank you Father in Heaven you are so good.

~Lissie


He is in total control in this story. are you coming under the rule of Jesus or are you asking him to come to yours?~Our Pastor

(Ps. was listening ..aggh italics is still on!! anyways was listening to a sermon at the same time as I was writing this (super multi-tasker I know!) and so the quote above is a quote from our pastor..and it really stuck out to me..I was like..wow. Um..before I wrestled with God I was asking Jesus to come under MY rule..until He reminded me it's HIS rule that I'M coming under...anyways I hope that the quote above is thought provoking for ya..:D Thanks for reading, and for baring with me here..pray for me..)

Ps. (sorry too lazy to take off italics ;p) The irony of all this is I'm reading this book called "The Cry of the Soul" and it's about how our emotions speak loudly of our relationship with God. It's basically about how your emotions are asking the deeper questions of God like, "Is God good"? And if you're like me..(or your human..:P) we tend to ignore our emotions..and it's very very dangerous to do. God put emotions in us (well for lots of reasons when it comes to the anatomy aspect of it ;) ) as flashing neon signs to tell us when things are going great and when they aren't and perhaps we need a self check. If only we'd examine just exactly "why" we're angry..or we're jealous etc. What is it that's causing us to be angry, or whatever the case is. That's what I'm trying to get at. So ask yourself next time you start to feel like emotional wreck. First calm down. Go in a quiet room, then ask..why am I feeling/acting this way. Then go to God. It is always going to boil down (if you are a Christian) to our cross is too heavy so inSTEAD of letting GOD carry the load, I'm gonna do it myself, my way. I'll just rest for a bit. That's dangerous. So go to God immediately with your worries and troubles and struggles. If you're NOT a Christian it'll always boil down to this: You're at war with God. You're not FOR Him. You're created in His image yet you refuse to go to Him..instead you want to keep on sinning. And when things go hay-wire (..is that uhum..correct spelling/usage of the word? hehe) you keep wondering..why you're back to square one. Why doesn't "my" peace last? It's because the cry of your soul is you are needy, weary, tired, sinful being who's created FOR God's purposes and instead of living out those purposes you're doing your own thing. You need HIM.

OK I'M DONE PREACHING---TOOOOOO MYSELFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-------------!!