Possesive Love

I love the people I've met here. I've grown to love them so very, very much and very dearly. I've made some awesome peer friends and we've met some really amazing families. I love the adults and their kids. (Including the "Kids" my age ;D)

I couldn't bear the thought of leaving. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone else leaving. I have plans for my life. My dreams would look something like this: If someone came along and we got married we would stay in Nampa. I'd want to stay and continue going to Nampa Bible and see my family there too. I don't want to be further up in Idaho like way up in Idaho falls, or in Moscow Idaho, or states away. I want to be in Nampa and if not somewhere NEAR Nampa.

That's how it would stay. As things are now only I'd be married.

But that's not reality. Things change in life because God has plans of His own. Thinking about the beloved people I'd hate to leave (I'd be devastated.) hurts. Having to realize that I'm not in control of my life, God is, is scary. I hate to think of change. I hate to think of people moving away, etc. I love these people too much. I cling too much to my own plans. I don't trust God with His plans for my life. It's a lack of trust. I need to be praying about it. I cannot cling so much to my hopes and dreams. Those cannot be my pursuit in life. Happiness cannot be my pursuit in life. The heart can never get enough. Ever. So even if I got everything I wanted as perfectly as I had pictured it and wanted it-it still wouldn't be enough. If I cling to my will, it's going to be so hard when I am faced with God's will.


~L.