Poetic nonsense try wandering soul

Do you ever feel like someone you're not? Like a poet. Or a philosopher. Or a stalker. Or restless.

THAT is what I am. I am restless. Searching endlessly for something, something, something. But what? I grab for solid objects to hold my body weight, which feels like led to me. I hold on and cling desperately to branches on the cliff that I know will break on me within minutes. I swim in darkness wishing, hoping earnestly-not pleadingly for the light. I walk endlessly on cheap shoes that fall apart after a few steps. I eat and drink because I am starving. I leave the table stomach full, heart longing, soul dry and empty. I gaze upon dirt and filth, longing for holiness and purity. I hear music reciting words, empty words that bring me pleasure never happiness. I delight in the temporary when the Infinite joys sit before me. I search endlessly for something, something, something. I get nothing. I achieve nothing. I see myself as nothing. I do nothing. I exist in meaningless nothingness.

For I eat and am not satisfied. I drink and my thirst is not quenched. I go and my feet lead me further away from my destination. I touch and do not feel. I speak and do not hear. I see and do not perceive. I ache and yet I am numbed by wicked pleasure. I am imprisoned. I hope because I remember He who has given me hope. AND THEN I push the hope away and it dies..or I think it does. But it does not die. It is only buried until it is dug up again. I ACHE and plead for medicine. They say, "Come to me. I have medicine that will take that ache away." And so I come and take the medicine. The ache goes away. I lie down my cheeks feverish, my soul disturbed. The medicine makes me drowsy. It dulls my senses. I can no longer remember why I was disturbed. Perhaps it was just because of the ache. But it is gone now. Hours go by and I lie there. To tired to get up, to tired to care. More hours go by. In the morning I wake up and I ACHE again! "Come with me. You should have come to me in the first place. I will give you medicine that will last longer then the last." NO NO MORE! This medicine only takes the ache away temporarily! It doesn't HEAL the ache.

Suddenly I hear a voice. Hush my Child. Be still and know that I am God. Be still and listen. Listen?..Listen..listen.. I'm listening! Go. Far away from here. Run and do not look back. Run from evil! Get away! But I'm alone! How, how!? How can I ever get away from here! They will crowd around me! They will tie me down! They will force medicine down my throat! They will eat me alive. I am with you. They cannot harm you, they will not harm you. I'm scared. What can they do to you? They can harm you, harm your body. They can physically destroy you! But your soul they cannot touch. Run. And I ran. I ran for my life. I did not look back. The darkness, the huge, vast, blackness that I thought had swallowed me whole was growing smaller. Smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. The light the far away kingdom grew before my eyes. When I got there I had to shield my eyes for I wasn't used to the light.

I arrived. I was welcomed. I was washed by the King Himself. He clothed me with a robe as red as blood. He anointed my head with oil. He fed me water from His fountain. He used no cup, but His own hand. When I had enough He carried me up to His castle. My feet weren't used to walking on such ground. This terrain wasn't rough-it was pure. It was holy ground. You see I was used to easy terrain, filthy ground. So the King carried me up to His castle. Up, up, up. And then! Oh a huge endless table was before me! He set me down on a bench by other's that were robed. They all welcomed me warmly..as if they had known me for years. Then I remembered. I had been here before! Before I ran away, I was living here! These were my family. My brothers and sisters in Christ!!

Tears filled my eyes. How could the King still love me? After everything I had done? I looked all around me. Then there was a toast. The King rose. "My Daughter is home. Let us rejoice." And He kissed my head. I couldn't bear it. I whimpered and moaned. I was quite surprised at the sound of it. It wasn't like the moaning I had done in the fallen kingdom. Those moans were the moans of pain. This moan was the kind of moaning you do when you have laid eyes on the Holy King. I was blinded by light, by holiness, by purity, by the King. He made coverings like the angels for my eyes, and feet. And still I cried and cried. I didn't deserve it. And suddenly my soul was quieted and I was still.

Something filled me. Something I hadn't had in a long time. Something was different. MY ACHE! It was gone! I knew it wouldn't be gone for only temporarily but forever. I was filled with peace! A peace I had never experienced before! A peace that only comes from the King. I ate and drank and was full. I saw and perceived! I heard and went out to DO. I DID and it was not meaningless nothingness. It was my mission. Our mission. We went out and invited others to eat, drink and be satisfied by the King-because of the King.

I enjoyed the earthly blessings given to me. I could do it now and see that it was not meaningless because I am no longer living, and surviving for these things. I was enjoying them because the King had given them to me. I was enjoying them but not DELIGHTING in them. I delight in the King. I could do all this because I now had a purpose in life. I had hope. I had a reason to live. I am no longer a wandering soul. I have the King..or rather He has me!

~Lissie